December is a brutal month.

It’s sad, but it’s true: December is the number one month people break up. Long-term relationships. Marriages. Not just casual dating.

And the most common day for it to happen?
December 11th.

When I first read that, my reaction was, “Wow… people are really just trying to get out of buying gifts.”
But jokes aside — this is real life, and it’s painful.

If you’re going through a separation or divorce, I want to talk to you about housing, because this is the time of year when I start getting a very specific phone call.

It usually sounds like this:

“Hey Jen. We just split up. I need to buy a house. Like… now.”

And I get it. I really do.

I’ve been divorced. I know how disorienting, heartbreaking, and overwhelming it is. When everything feels unstable, buying a house can feel like regaining control.

But this is also when people step on financial landmines — ones that can follow them for years.

Let’s talk about what you need to know before you make any housing decisions during a divorce.

First Things First: I’m Really Sorry You’re Going Through This

I want to say this clearly before we get technical:

If you’re in the middle of a breakup or divorce, I empathize deeply with you. This isn’t just paperwork. It’s emotional. It’s personal. It’s exhausting.

And that’s exactly why this conversation matters.

Because when emotions are high, it’s very easy to make decisions that feel urgent — but aren’t actually smart.

Why You Usually Can’t Buy a House During an Active Divorce

Here’s something most people don’t realize:

If you are actively going through a divorce, a lender usually cannot move forward with a mortgage.

And no — it’s not because you “don’t qualify.”

It’s because your financial picture isn’t stable yet.

Even if:

• You still have a job

• Your income hasn’t changed

• “Everything is fine.”

From a lending perspective, we don’t yet know:

• If you’ll be paying spousal support

• If you’ll be receiving spousal support

• If child support will apply

• How assets will be divided

• Whether the money in your bank account is fully yours

Until those questions are legally answered, your numbers are unknowable.

And qualifying for a mortgage requires certainty.

I always tell clients:
When you’re going through a divorce, take your finances, throw them in the air, light a match… and see where they land. That’s how unpredictable it is.

A Huge Landmine: Spousal Consent & State Laws

This one trips people up all the time.

There are several states — including community property states like California — where a spouse may need to sign off on a loan even if they are not on the mortgage.

I’ve seen this scenario more times than I can count:

We get all the way to the closing table.
Everything looks good.
And suddenly… the spouse refuses to sign.

Why?

Because:

• They didn’t realize the buyer was actually closing

• They found out a new partner was moving in

• They decided they wanted leverage

• Or they simply changed their mind

I’ve had deals fall apart at the finish line because someone thought,
“Oh, they said they’d sign.”

People change their minds, especially during divorce.

The Hard Truth: You’re Not in the Right Mental State Right Now

This part is said with compassion — not judgment.

When you’re going through a divorce, you are not in a normal decision-making state.

That’s not an insult. That’s reality.

Looking back at my own divorce, I can say honestly:
I wasn’t myself for about a year.

Not “falling-apart” crazy — just not grounded. Not clear. Not my usual decision-making self.

Divorce is a shock to the system.

So please hear this:

👉 This is not the time to take on new debt.
👉 This is not the time to make permanent financial decisions.

Why Renting Is Often the Smartest Move

If your immediate reaction is:
“I need to buy a house right now.”

Pause.

If your former partner is staying in the home — or keeping the rental — rent.

Short-term rental if needed.
Then, long-term rental.

Renting gives you:

• Time to stabilize emotionally

• Time to finalize finances

• Time to make decisions from clarity instead of pain

Buying a house can wait. Protecting your future can’t.

If You Own a Home Together, Slow Everything Down

This is where things get trickier.

Sometimes:

• One spouse keeps the house

• One spouse moves out and rents

Sometimes:

• Both decide to sell

What I urge people to do is take time before selling.

I’ve seen couples sell a house in the heat of separation — only to reconcile later.

And once the house is gone?
So is the low interest rate.
So is the asset.
So is a major piece of long-term wealth.

Housing is often the largest source of retirement wealth Americans have. You don’t want to make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.

One of the Worst Pieces of Advice I Hear

I need to say this clearly:

Do not stop paying the mortgage out of spite.

I’ve heard people tell friends:
“Well, if they’re living there, just stop paying.”

No. Absolutely not.

If both names are on the loan, a missed payment hurts both of you.

A distressed asset doesn’t punish the other person — it destroys the value of the property and your credit at the same time.

That helps no one.

My Honest Recommendation

If you are going through a divorce:

• Rent

• Give yourself time

• Finalize the paperwork

• Understand exactly what you’re walking away with

• Then — and only then — buy a house

You’ll make a better decision.
You’ll protect your financial future.
And you’ll avoid mistakes that are incredibly hard to undo.

Final Thoughts: Give Yourself Grace

December is the hardest month for many people.

If you’re going through this right now, I’m genuinely sorry. I know how painful it is.

Please give yourself grace.
Please don’t rush.
Please don’t make permanent financial decisions in the middle of emotional chaos.

When everything is settled — when the numbers are clear, and your head is clear — that’s when you buy a house.

If you ever need guidance, have questions, or just need someone to sanity-check a decision, my team and I are here.

You don’t have to figure this out alone.

📞 786-933-2077
📅 Or book a planning call when you’re ready